humor:) hehe hahah hihih [brez komentarjev!]

[miska13]

What's a definition of a gynecologist?

Gynecologist is a person who looks for problems in a place where most people find pleasure

[sAdie]

miska

& Red Bullova hostesa

http://img365.imageshack.us/img365/426/ ... esa9jt.jpg

[cukrck]

Dva policista se v prostem času srečata v Tivoliju.
Eden je imel lepo žensko kolo.
"Oh, kako lepo kolo imaš! Koliko si pa plačal zanj?"
"Nič! Včeraj zvečer sem patruljiral po parku, ko se je na tem kolesu pripeljala lepotica.
Zaustavila se je ob meni, prislonila kolo na drevo in se popolnoma slekla.
Potem mi je rekla, da od nje lahko dobim vse, kar si zaželim.
In jaz sem si izbral kolo."
"Dobro si izbral! Njena obleka ti itak ne bi bila prav!"
*********************************************************

Poročni obred. Matičar vpraša ženina, ki komaj stoji na nogah po nočnem
popivanju:
"Peter Kovač, ali vzamete za ženo Milko Zupanc?"
Ženin je popolnoma tiho in zazrt nekam pred sebe.
Matičar ponovi malo glasneje:
"Peter Kovač, ali vzamete za ženo Milko Zupanc?"
Ženin še vedno odsotno strmi pred sebe in se ne odzove na
vprašanje matičarja. Takrat mu poročna priča šepne na uho:
"Greva potem na pivo?"
"Ja!" je glasno odgovoril ženin.
*********************************************************

SREČNEŽ
Pogreb. Mož z nasmehom hodi za žaro svoje žene.
Znanec pristopi k njemu in mu reče:
"Si pa res čuden patron! Za pogrebom svoje žene se smeješ, namesto da bi pretakal solze!"
"Kaj pa morem, če je tako lepo. Veš, danes je prvič, da sva šla skupaj
ven in da se ne kregava!

[Mark]

[samjaz]

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things
people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published
by court reporters who had the torment of biting their lip to stay calm
while these exchanges were taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
_____________________________________________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________________________________
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?
______________________________________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_________________________________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that
morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the
occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he does
know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
______________________________________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
______________________________________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________________________________
Q: So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition which I
sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________________________________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
A: Yes.
Q: What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive, practicing law
somewhere.


Saj bi prevedla, pa se mi ne da tipkat

[cukrck]

Kakšna je razlika med Red Bullom in šmarn'co ???
Red Bull ti da krila, šmarn'ca pa pogon na vse štiri.

[smehec]

How business is done
Jack, a smart businessman, talks to his son.
Jack: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice"
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Jack: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case..."
Next Jack approaches Bill Gates.
Jack: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Jack: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case..."
Finally Jack goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Jack: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Jack: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case..."

[sAdie]

Zmago Jelinčič Plemeniti, gospodar pijače!

zmago jelinčič plemeniti,sns,pijačaSe lahko veselimo nove razburljive
trilogije <http://193.2.122.17/%7Edavko/lord1.jpg>? Vsi trije deli
Gospodarja pijače (Bratov�čina Plemenitega, Dve steklenici in Vrnitev
poslanca) kmalu na va�em divxu! Vsaka podobnost z resničnimi osebami
seveda povsem naključna.

http://www.hugi.is/hahradi/bigboxes.php ... &f_id=1000

[jancy]

Zakaj je Mojzes štirideset let taval po puščavi?
Zato, ker ni hotel vprašati za smer.

[cukrck]

Mali djavolcic sletio u New York i kaze:
"Ja sam mali djavolcic, imam kofercic i doso sam da
kradem."
Ovi ga odmah na aerodromu okrenu i kazu: "Haj razguli,
ne mozes ovdje krasti, idi u Englesku."

On ide tamo i ista prica:
"Ja sam mali djavolcic,imam kofercic i doso sam da
kradem."
Ovi ga isto nalijepe i posalju u Njemacku:
"Idi tamo pa kradi, tamo se krade."

I on u Njemacku ... Sleti na aerodrom i kaze:
"Ja sam mali djavolcic, imam kofercic i doso sam da
kradem."
Ovi ga odmah u rikverc i kazu: "Ima jedna zemlja dole
nize, na Balkanu,Bosna, tamo se krade nemilice , idi tamo."

On odmah u Bosnu, sleti na aerodrom u Sarajevu i kaze:
"Ja sam mali djavolcic, imam ... ma ... gdje mi je kofer,
jebem vam..."

[sAdie]

Oče: "Sine, ti si butast kot tale miza." (Potrka po mizi)
Sin: "Ate, nekdo trka."
Oče: "Čaki, grem pogledat, kdo je."



----------------------------------------------------

MICKA IN FATA

Se pogovarjata Micka in Fata, kolikokrat katera seksa..
In pravi Fata: Kod mene nema nikakvih problema i 10 puta dnevno. Se
čudi Micka: Pa kako ti to rata? Pravi Fata: Ma, nema problema. Idem k
Mujotu i kaľem: Sluąaj Mujo, ąečer se poskupio. I kaľe Mujo: Eee, jeb* mi se. I ja kaľem: I meni duąo. I tako redom, poskupilo ulje, pa braąno, pa struja...
Proba zvečer ąe Micka: Janez, a veą, da se je bencin podraľil? Pa
pravi Janez: Dol mi visi.

[-anonymus-]

Se opravičujm če ste tega že slišal sam men je smešn!

Zakaj se blondinka trinkrat smeje vicu?

1. zato ker se drugi smejejo
2. zato ker ji ga razložijo
3. zato ker ga zakapira :D

lol:D:D:D

[dumbo]

Sreca medved piscancka in ga povabi na joint.
Skadita enega in medved vpraaa: "Kaj je pisek cutis kaj?"
"Nic!" rece piscancek.
Medved potegne iz zepa se enega, prizgeta, spuhata, pa medved spet
vprasa:
"Kaj pisek, cutis kaj?"
"Nic"
Medved se razkuri in povabi malega k sebi domov. "Bos videl, tam imam pa
tako robo da te ubije!"...in gresta.
Doma medved potegne iz omare vreco trave, zmota baklo in prizgeta.
Ko koncata, vprasa medved: "Kaj pa zdaj, ha, cutis kaj?"
"Pa nic ne cutim!" rece pisek.
"Pa kak neee, jebo te ja!" se razkuri medved. "Pa kak ne cutis nic?"
Pa rece pisek: "Pa ne cutim ze od prvega dima; ne kluna, ne perja, ne riti,
nic!

[sAdie]

dumbo LOL

se cudoviti svet reklamacij

http://img392.imageshack.us/img392/4881/pritozba6mv.jpg

[sAdie]

kako so nastali LJUBLJANČANI
"Gorenjske šale so preproste zato, da jih razumejo tudi Ljubljančani."
"Zakaj pa ravno Ljubljančani?" "Poglej v zgodovino in boš spoznal, kako so nastali Ljubljančani!" "In kako so nastali?"
"Konec šestega stoletja so prišli Slovenci na sedanje ozemlje in sicer
pod ljubljanski grad. Gradu takrat seveda še ni bilo, bili pa so kažipoti za posamezne slovenske pokrajine: štajersko, Koroško, Gorenjsko, Primorsko, Notranjsko, Kočevsko, Dolenjsko, Belo krajino, Zasavje, Primorje,Prekmurje in ąe katere. Slovenci so se odpravili vsak v svojo smer, tisti, ki niso znali brati, so pa ostali pod hribom in postali Ljubljančani."

(brez zamere , meni ste se vedno fajni!)

* * *

Pride student na fakulteti za fiziko na izpit. potrka odpre vrata in
vstopi. Profesor mu zastavi vprasanje:" Sedite v vlaku in vam je ľe
posteno vroce, kaj naredite?". student odvrne:" Odprl bom okno."
Profesor:" Odlicno. Sedaj pa vprasanje . Vlak vozi 100 km/h, zunaj je
35 stopinj in piha veter s hitrostjo 12 m/s. Povrsina odprtega okna
je 2 kvadratna metra. V koliksnem casu se bo kupe ohladil?
student seveda ne ve in pade.

Ko pride iz predavalnice takoj drugemu pove vprasanje.
Pride notri drugi. Isto vprasanje, le da on odvrne da si bo slekel jakno.
Profesor vztraja: Ampak vam je se vedno vroce.
Student: si bom slekel se hlace.
Profesor:" Ampak vam je se vedno vroce."
student:" Se bom slekel do nagega."
Profesor:" Nasproti vam sedi crnc in k***c se mu se dviga ob pogledu
na vaso rit"
student:" Me ne zanima, lahko me fuka cel kupe, ampak okna ne odprem!!!"

* * *

Jedan policajac poslao zenu i djecu na more i nakon tjedan dana ide im se
pridruziti. Doze u hotel i navali na zenu.
- Ma dragi, djeca su u susjednoj sobi, ne mozemo to ovdje raditi.
- Imas pravo, idemo na plazu.
Nakon pet minuta, na opustjeloj plazi u predvecerje posnu strastveno
voditi ljubav. Dok su u ljubavnom zagrljaju, kraj njih se stvori policajac.
- Sram vas bilo, brzo se oblacite, ne rade se te stvari na javnom mjestu.
- Oprostite, rece muz, ovo je bio trenutak slabosti, nismo se vidjeli cijeli
tjedan. Znate i ja sam policajac i bilo bi nezgodno da mi naplatite kaznu.
- U redu, vi ste kolega i vama je oproseno, ali ovu kurvu hvatam vec
treci put ovaj tjedan i kazna joj ovoga puta ne gine.